The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
