After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize