Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
