im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
