how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
