"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize