its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
two words...techno handjob
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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