On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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