whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
