I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
