I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
