Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
