I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We have started to decorate penises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
