Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
