I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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