Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
