last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize