This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
