they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
