im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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