I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize