Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
