i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I AM VODKA MAN
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
