I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
