I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize