just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cut my penus on the lid.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
