shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
