Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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