okay pat passed out under dana's car
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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