btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize