im six kinds of drunk right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
