Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
