Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
