its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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