Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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