When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize