You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
