WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
