I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
