I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
