You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
