Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
