I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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