Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize