your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
