I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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