If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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