She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize