I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
