Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
