I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
