I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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