He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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