Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
