he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
