I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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