i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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