Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
MIDGETS
????
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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