he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
