Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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