is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
