It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
