You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
