i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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