I'm so fucking centered right now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
