I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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