All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize