Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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