marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
