I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
