We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
