k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I did not marry a roomba.
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