I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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