i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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