Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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