i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
