just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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