This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
where am i from again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
