Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
