I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont even know how to be here
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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