if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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