Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
