we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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