god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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