where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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