If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
