I just saw a hot homeless man
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
