I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
