So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize