He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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