Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize