i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
