meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
