if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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