Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
