: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
