You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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