You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
