She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize