Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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