Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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