im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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