I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
